Getting Good Sleep

picture of a print of a sleeping child craddling a heart as a pillow

Sleep- the first seed to plant for self care.

Can we pause for a moment to talk about the phrase “self care”? I know it’s a phrase that is so overused that it can lose its meaning. Or, it’s a phrase we use without an idea of how to meaningfully apply it to our everyday lives. 

As I mentioned last week, Dr. John Arden’s SEEDS framework lays out 5 areas that need our attention in order to maintain optimal health and wellbeing. 

The more time I spend with folks in therapy (going on 22 years now!), the more I come back to the idea that a lot of what we’re doing is figuring out how to take good care of ourselves, simply speaking. 

One of the metta, or lovingkindness, prompts that I first encountered when I began doing loving kindness meditations was:

May I take care of myself happily

There’s something about leaning into taking care of myself with happiness, with kindness, with intention, that resonates, and informs the language I’m using here. 

Now, on to sleep. 

It’s a big one, isn’t it? So many folks come into therapy with trouble sleeping. I often share that sleep is one of the most vulnerable things we do as humans. When we lay down at night and close our eyes, we are surrendering our conscious control of the moment. No wonder then, that many folks experience a peak in anxiety at night, or find themselves with racing thoughts as they are settling down to sleep. It’s one way that our nervous system urges us to check every possible avenue to determine that it’s safe enough to sleep.

When we sleep, we are allowing ourselves to let go of the day, and in doing so, allowing our brains and bodies the rest needed to heal and recover. It’s so important! Good sleep has been linked to improved immune function, decreased inflammation, and memory consolidation.

Good sleep hygiene- making sure that we are having a regular nighttime ritual to help us prepare for sleep- is an important step. This may include dimming the lights to signal that our bodies should release melatonin, having a nighttime cup of tea, or listening to a calming playlist. 

For the purposes of this post, I want to invite you to explore sleep using expressive arts, imagining what does rest feel like in my body- when it’s safe? 

1 - To begin with, start to notice when you feel safe- I suggest giving yourself about a week to do this. Start to notice when you feel safe, and at rest. 

• How do you know you’re safe? 

• What are the signals that you are picking up through your 5 senses. What do you see, smell, taste, hear, what can you touch? 

Document these moments - on your notes app on your phone, by taking a picture, or by noting these moments in your journal. 

2 - Now, review these moments and write down 3-5 words or phrases inspired by these moments of rest and safety. Bring in the 5 senses. 

It may look something like this:

• Warmth, light, music, nature, laughter

Or this:

• I feel safe when I’m with my partner, first waking up in the morning

• I feel safe when I’m dancing, and my body feels loose

• I feel safe when I’m in nature, hiking or swimming

3- Using the words or phrases you’ve collected, created a dream mandala collage

• Assemble images tied to your words, phrases, and moments of safety and rest

• Choose a central image that embodies safety, rest, protection (or whatever resonates most for you)

• Build the rest of the dream mandala around this central image

4- As you prepare to sleep each night, use this as part of your nighttime ritual

• Hang the dream mandala collage in your room, close to your bed

• Meditate on the image, calling in protection, safety, and rest

• If you have an ancestor practice, you can imagine protective ancestors supporting you in this practice*

*As most of the folks I work with in my practice identify as mixed/multiracial/bicultural/multi-heritage, there’s an invitation in here to bring in familial and cultural practices that support safety, well-being, and wholeness. You may explore: 

•  What cultural practices have supported my ancestors in feeling safe, at rest, at peace?

• What sounds, smells, tastes, textures, colors are tied to my heritage, 

• and which resonate most with me? 

I hope this practice may be helpful to you as you plant and water the seed of good rest, safety, and sleep. May you sleep well.